So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
