Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
