i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My ass is underappreciated
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
