Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
BRING THE BAGELS
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
