I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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