on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
