STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
