A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
