He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The adults are the big ones right?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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