it's too hot outside to masturbate.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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