dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
