I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
