I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
