I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
