Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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