I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
