So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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