well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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