since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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