Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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