So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize