ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
