I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
