You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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