we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
