the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
