Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
