I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
