a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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