Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize