Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
