sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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