Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
