You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
