You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Your mouth is God's brothel.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
