I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
