Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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