your room smells of hookers.
And success
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
