I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
