I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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