They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
