Your face is a jimmy john
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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