We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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