OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
