Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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