apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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