my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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