I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
