dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
