today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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