This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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