I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
