he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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