When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
