butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
