you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize