Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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