Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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