Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The air was thick with penises
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
