I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
