Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
