He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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