forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
