Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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