Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What a dumb baby whore.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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