I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
