we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
