My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
