You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
