she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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