This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
