You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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