I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
