hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
