he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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