There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
