So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
