Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
