I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
