are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
