1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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