What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
