If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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