Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
